Hi there, I am an adopted child.
I am now 33 years old, going to be 34 in a few months. All
my life I have suffered with issues concerning background
information. I was adopted through a private adoption when I
was first born. My birth mother's brother and his wife
adopted me to keep me in the family. Now that I am older I
wish I would have been adopted by someone who wasn't related
to my birth mom.
Growing up with a family that
was related to my roots was more difficult and painful than
I could ever explain. My adoptive father and my
birthmother were brother and sister. Actually they were also
adopted children, and not related to each other. The whole
family has a connection to adoption of some sort.
My adoptive parents had a 3 year
old boy when I was adopted. He was their natural born
child. Then they adopted me to keep me in the family,
as I already said.
I grew up in a good home.
My adoptive mother stayed home and my adoptive father
worked. Perfect little home life on the outside
looking in, I guess. On the inside, though, as an
adoptive child and a middle child, I was lost.
I had an internal need, an emptiness, a big void in my life.
I needed answers and my adoptive parents ignored my need.
My adoptive parents told
me I was adopted from the beginning. When I was 7 they had
their second natural child, another little girl. I was
always my adoptive Daddies little girl. I never quite
understood why. I was never close to my adoptive mother, and
still to this day am not. We never connected.
People say we are to much alike, but I totally disagree.
I would do anything I could for my little girl.
My adoptive mother and I fought
all the time. I was always saying the wrong things or
acting the wrong way or something. I know this might
sound like I was a bad, unruly child but that wasn't the
case at all.
I look just like my birth
mother, I talk just like my birth mother, my attitude
and independence is just like my birth mother. Do you
see where this is going?
I would be grounded for the way
I talked or something I did and I didn't know what it
was I had done until later on in my life. I never
felt loved by my adoptive mother. My adoptive
father loved me, but always stayed quiet when we would
argue, or he would leave the house completely. I could
never figure that out.
When I was 9 years old my aunt
came to stay with us for a while with my "cousin".
My aunt would take my brother and sister to fun places like
water parks and all kinds of stuff and I wasn't allowed to
go. Why was that? Why couldn't I go? Did she not
like me? What was wrong with me? All these
questions and a whole lot more were in my mind, and I would
ask and not get any answers.
Then one day later on in my
teens I was playing with my "cousin" and he said I
know who your brother is. .BINGO! Who? Where?
I had always known that my adoptive family Knew
information and answers to all my questions but would not
answer me. Then all the trouble really started. I wanted
answers. I even wrote a term paper on being an adopted
child and my views on adoption. I studied all about
adoption and the laws etc., and still no answers from
my adoptive parents, only fights and groundings.
I then was told that my Aunt was
coming from Texas. We needed to have a family powwow. I was
16 then and I learned the whole truth. My aunt that
always took my sister and brother out, but not me,
wasn't who I had known her to be for 16
years. She was and still is my birth mom!
I wanted to know why? I
wanted to know why she gave me to her brother? Why she lived
with us for awhile and didn't tell me. I was very
upset with her at this point and time. I didn't trust
anyone. I was lost and was a teenage girl going
through teenage hormones, too .It was almost more than I
could handle.
My "birth mom"
told me that she put me up for adoption because that was the
best choice she had. She wasn't allowed to tell me or
to take me anywhere etc. My adoptive mother acted as
though it was a contract. I think it was wrong of
my adoptive mother to do that to me. I was very upset
with both of my mothers at this point and it got worse at
home after I knew the real truth. I already didn't
feel loved. I mean really loved.
I became severely anorexic and
tried all kinds of things to make myself prettier so that
maybe my adoptive mom would love me. I thought if I could excel
in something I could win her love and approval. It only got
worse.
I dated a boy in high
school for a long time, and then prom night came. My
adoptive mother knew this boy very well and he was
like family to us. I was supposed to be able to stay out
late. We all had a condo rented so we all could just
watch movies and not be out on the roads. Well, my
adoptive mother was mad at me and grounded me and said I now
had a curfew of 2:00 AM. Well, never do anything based
on a grudge - it will backfire on you tenfold. I
thought I would go ahead after three years of dating and
have sex. WOW!!! What a mistake. Here I am, first
time, and guess what? I got pregnant.
My adoptive mother gave me NO
option of keeping the baby. My options were put to me like
this. You can have an abortion! I don't think so! Or
you can put the baby up for adoption. Well I
"HAD" to put him up for adoption. My first child,
"baby Joshua was born on Feb.24,1989. He just
turned 15. I have been waiting to see him or find him
every day of his life. The biological father had no choice
either. My parents forced him to sign papers to give
his rights up too. My adoptive parents didn't tell me that
my birth mother had already bought a crib etc.. and was
coming to get me and the baby, Joshua. So there again I was
deceived.
I then was no longer with the
biological father of my baby. Why would he want me
anymore after what my adoptive parents made us do? I
was lost again! So I now moved out on my own in search
of love. Not a good sign. Just had a baby taken away, never
knew love or security from a real family, lost my only love,
the father of my baby, and all my friends that were like the
only family I knew. I now was out to find love,
no matter what.
I made a lot of bad choices in
men. Then I met this guy who was a cop. He was 9 years older
than me. My adoptive mother approved for once in my
life. Marry him, she said, he would be good for you, don't
wait, do it now. Well, we had only dated for 3 months.
He had a woman pregnant that I found out about. I was
having serious health problems and might not be able to have
anymore children. Well, that was why he wanted to get
married to me. I married him, I thought I had finally
won my adoptive mother's love, after trying for 19
years. Well, he was controlling before we got married,
but my adoptive mother approved so why not. My birth
mom, bless her heart, knew something wasn't right with this
marriage, and was on her way to stop the wedding, but I
didn't know. Imagine that!
Well, I am married now to an
abusive husband. I went through a lot of surgeries to be
able to carry a child safely. I miscarried and was
forced to have an abortion by my husband, all because I
wanted love. Then I got pregnant again, and I finally had a
healthy little girl to call my own. I went through a lot more
abuse, and would tell my adoptive family and they didn't
want to help me or to hear it. I filed for divorce.
I called my birthmom and said I
needed a new life. Well my adoptive mom said she would watch
my daughter so I could go get a job and get established in
Florida with my birth mom. Now I had my ex-husband stalking
me...He convinced me through threats about my birthmom
that if I didn't come back to him I wouldn't see my little
girl again. I went back, then left again, and then I
got pregnant again.
Now I was divorced and
pregnant with a small child. I was scared to death of
having my children taken from me. I had the baby and had
one baby taken and put up for adoption, which was baby Josh
and I had my little girl and now another baby girl.
I finally met someone and
started dating him. We dated for about 6 months and decided
to move in together. My ex-husband the cop
started stalking us and leaving threatening letters for us
and sitting outside our bedroom window. I
left my girls with my adoptive mother and that was the last
time I ever had them. My
adoptive mother had my girls turned over to foster care for
abandonment and neglect. I lost custody of both my
girls. My Birthmother was at every court appearance
also and she was also denied custody of my girls, as their
biological grandmother. My ex-husband and his mother got
them and I haven't even seen them in almost 7 years
now.
Once again she took my kids
away. I was a basket case. I spent time and money trying to
get them back, and now I have to pay $200.00 for child
support, which he never paid me when I had the kids. I was
in and out of jail because he had power and control. He was
a cop and had my kids and my only source of help was my
adoptive parents.
I then met someone again, since
I was in search of love and security. I started
managing a pub and grill. I started dating a guy
and 3 months into the relationship I collapsed bleeding
at work. I was rushed to the hospital to find out I
was 4 months pregnant. We decided to keep the
baby and raise it as our own.
My adoptive mother found out I
was pregnant and wouldn't leave me alone about the
pregnancy, and said if I kept the baby I wouldn't be able to
visit my two girls. My boyfriend started doing drugs
and became abusive.
I located a lawyer and talked to
him about private adoption. He gave me files to review.
I contemplated it over and over again. I knew that I
could not give this child a safe home, so I gave the lawyer
my qualifications for a perfect family choice and we went
from there.
I wanted an 35-40 year old
couple, well off, who had been trying to get pregnant
for at least 5 years and who really wanted a child for all
the right reasons. He found me this couple that had
tried to adopt several times and people always backed out. He
convinced the biological dad to sign the papers so the
adoption would go through. I gave birth to my next son. He
was born July 31, 1995 and was adopted by the family I had
chosen for him.
I have since been very close to
my birth mother. I have my daughter, who is
going to be 7 in March. She is my life saver, the
reason I am alive and here today. She is my lucky
shamrock. I am very protective over her as anyone who's
been through an ordeal like mine would be.
My adoptive mother and I hardly
speak and she doesn't even send me pictures of my girls
that were taken away. I send her pictures of me and
but she doesn't want anything to do with
her My birth
mother and I are extremely close now and no one will ever
come between us again.
I too, one day will be reunited
with my children that were placed for adoption
and my girls that were taken
away from me. I feel that all grown adopted people
have a right to know their real roots. I am so much happier
now that I know my birth mother, and my birth mother found
her birth family and now we are all one big happy extended
family. I feel that after the legal age, whether it be
18 or 21, the laws that keep you from your true identity at
birth should be null and void. I feel we have the
right to know who we really are and where we really come
from. If you are not an adoptee or the parent of one
then how do you know what it is like living that life?
Who can make that decision for us as an adopted person?
We as Americans are supposed to have many freedoms and rights,
but do we really? I want to adopt a child now of my
own, but if you look at my background first with out knowing
me, you probably would laugh and say No Way! There are so
many children that need good loving homes in this world that
just want to be accepted and loved for who they are, not who
we think they should be. We need the same
opportunities as people that are not adopted. We are
the innocent ones in all of this.
I think it should be a law that
if you adopt a child they know from the beginning that
they are adopted and that they will be given the right when
they come of age to find their birth families. If
it was law, then both birth families and the family
adopting would know that they would have to tell and would
have to be found. The life of the adopted person would
be much easier in the long run. At least my story ended
happily. I don't want to see someone else go through
20+ years of heartache and loss of themselves before finding
peace. If this law passes you will be a miracle worker in
the eyes of millions.
