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I am 52 years old and I am denied
basic human rights. After 9 months in my mothers belly I was
born and taken away by my new parents to start my life as their
child. They did not adopt me for my sake or because they
were filled with charity. They adopted me because of their needs
and desires. They could not have children and they wanted
a child .I fulfilled their needs.
I was too young to be asked what
my needs and I was made to feel all my life, by their
family and friends, as if my needs were not important. How many
times have I heard "You're so lucky that your parents chose
you. They could have picked someone else." I do have
an answer for that. Yes, they did pick me but, unlike a ripe
apple, they could not look at me when I was an hour old and see
if I had bad spots so, everyone looked for them year after
year.
I was lucky because I did go to decent, good
people. The best, and we were close and we loved each other. It
is not their fault that I was always different. It is not their
fault they did not know how to deal with that difference. There
is no one in their family that I look like and my mannerisms are
inherently different.
When trying to find where you
come from the first thing you do is request non identifying
information. That says it all for adoptees are non
identified. We exist in history only from the day we are
adopted. While you are sitting with your families at holidays
talking over days with Grandmas and Grandpas past, I am sitting,
listening, wondering where my family came from. What were their
struggles and their Joys.
Family members from both of my
adoptive parents have studied and written a family history
book. I can tell you that my adoptive dad's (hereafter referred
to as Dad) G.G.G.G.Great grandfather fought under George
Washington. I can tell you that my adoptive mom's (Hereafter referred
to as Mom) G.G.G.G.G. Grandfather was the 12th Earl of
Stanley from England and that the castle is still there with the
17th Earl in place. I can not tell you a thing about my history
except for what I have made in my life.
Oh, the families and the way
they treated me: Nice things said like "Your Mom and Dad
wanted you and because they think of you as theirs we do
also." If they did then why did they have to qualify it by
saying so? Everything I have done and still do is put under
a microscope by them, watching because they know their kids but
I am an unknown, and who really knows what type of person my
natural mother was.
There are two sets of judgments.
One for their kids and one for me. For their kids everything has
a good reason like sowing their wild oats but, for me,
doing the exact same things they were, it was "She is
wild and she should appreciate that she was chosen and never do
anything wrong." "But then after all she is not one of
us after all."
My Dads sister told me after Dad
died " You should not get a thing" . "You are not
blood kin." Even Dad socked it to me a couple of times. He
found out I had kissed a boy, thought it might be more and
told me "You are going to be a whore just like your real mother".
Also, when he found out that he and Mom were both dying of
cancer he told me " You should never have married. You
should be here so you could take care of
us."
I was 34 at the time. I never had
kids of my own. It was not because I did not want kids. I did
not know what I might pass on to them. Family medical
history.......that's a laugh. Who knows, and Non-ID information
is known to not be right. Yes, in a country that cherishes its
history and is famous the world over for its fight for Civil
Rights, we adoptees are denied ours. In a country that
praises the sanctity of motherhood we are kept from ours because
they had to make the hardest choice at some point in
their life.
The misconception is that mothers
who lose their children to adoption don't care, don't mourn
their loss and don't cry for them. That is bull. I was
pregnant once but had cancer and lost my baby. I still
mourn and cry over that loss. Most mothers do not want to
give up their babies. Most of the time they have no choice or
are led to think they have no choice..
I am in search of my natural
mother and family. I think she might want to meet me. I think
she should have, at the least, a chance to say whether she
does or not. I have siblings out there somewhere. They might
just look like me or have mannerisms like me. I think I should
have the chance to find out. If I had a few hundred dollars I
could hire someone to find her. There are people out there who
can track her down and if they can find my mother why not just
let me know who she is?
Adoption is the biggest lie in
the world. It says here is this poor child in need of a family
and here are people in need of a child, put them together and
life will be great for both. November 2003 during National
Adoption Month a whole page in our newspaper was given to this
with interviews of adopting families and their reasons for
adopting. They are quoted as follows: 1."When it
became time to get pregnant it just didn't happen."
2."Expensive fertility treatment is no guarantee that you
will have children, whereas with adoption you can have a
child."3. "We went with overseas instead of domestic
because with more open adoptions here we did not want to
worry about the birth parents ever wanting to see them."
This is just a few quotes from that article. Nowhere was
anything said about adopting because of the children's needs.
Most of our Natural Mothers lost
us to adoption because they were convinced that they were doing
what was the best they could do for us. They did this because of
love. People adopt because of need. Now, it is time for my
needs! I need to know where and who I am from and I need to
know before it is to late. I need answers and I need to meet
this pretty woman I look like (I have a picture my Dad left when
he passed.) Wow, I was 34 when I got a picture of someone I
looked like. I look like someone!!!!
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